Whose Side is the Judge On Anyway?

I hear this question all the time; “Why does the judge always side with the mother? Why do the courts hate fathers?”. The answer is never a simple one; there are a lot of factors. Historically, courts have tended to lean more towards the mother than the father. Statistics show us that there are more single mothers out there than single fathers, but you don’t need a statistic to tell you that. This is one of the reasons a judge might begin the proceeding already having a disposition, unconscious or not, to side with the mother’s wishes. While there is evidence supporting this, it’s more complicated than that.

The World Is Changing.In this new age of instant communication, access to information and the rise of new job markets and careers, more and more women are taking on full time careers and stay at home moms are becoming fewer. It’s not the mother’s sole responsibility to take care of the children however. This bias is dangerous and has the potential to create a negative image about how a family is supposed to operate. The role of the father is a significant one. It took two of you to make the child, and it definitely takes two of you to raise the child.

Children Need Structure. It is well documented that large portions of jail and prison youth populations are those that come from homes with absent fathers or mothers. In some cases this can lead to youths “acting out”, as they say, in an effort to find their identity. This lack of structure is a leading cause in youth violence, crime and premature sexual activity.  Nobody is saying that having a mother and father together in a family will stop kids from committing acts of violence or having sex too early, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Pointing The Finger Doesn’t Solve The Problem. Judges aren’t the only ones with a bias towards the mother or the father. A mother could find herself on the receiving end of accusations of turning a child against their father by putting ideas into their head. A father could find himself in a similar position where a mother is accusing him of abuse or neglect.  It’s the idea that they should have custody or visitation or more child support and the other parent shouldn’t because of mistrust.  Unfortunately, sometimes accusations like these are true. However, false accusations to get what you want, even if you believe it is in the child’s best interest, take away from what the right outcome should be.

Doing The Right Thing. Raising a child is hard, but raising a child without the other parent makes it harder on the child. Legal experts as well as professional psychologists agree that  growing up without a father figure causes damage in a child’s life and the same goes for kids growing up without mothers. Having a ruling to keep the other parent out of the child’s life is a serious decision. That decision needs to be well thought out and should be a last resort. The ideal outcome is one that benefits your kids. Sacrificing their childhood is not a means for a good end. Obviously biased court systems are a bad thing but bias between parents on who is better suited to raise a child is worse. It takes teamwork and planning. As a parent, it’s your job to make sure they grow up to be better and smarter than us. That’s the only way we’re going to get anywhere. Think carefully, work together and put the child first. Don’t let them become a victim of court bias.

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Posted in Child Custody, Child Visitation, Courtroom Preparation, Raising Children
5 comments on “Whose Side is the Judge On Anyway?
  1. bryan says:

    Im wanting to find out how my chances look or prospectives from others about my case. Where can I write and talk about this?

    • Hi Bryan,
      You are welcome to write about your situation here. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to contact us at http://www.aboutthechildren.org to speak with one of our Parent Advocates to see if we are able to assist you and your family situation. We speak to hundreds of parents a day regarding a wide range of family matters involving their children. Thanks for contacting us on this blog site.

  2. bryan says:

    OK I want honest prospectives and what you think. Right now me and my ex share custody of the children. WE switch every few days. I recently got a new better job and was wanting to move about 45 minutes from where i live now. I have been dating my bf for a year now and will more than likely get married this year so we will be getting the house together. So if I go to court to try to get primary custody what do you think? Heres my case. BTW i have 2 girls and 1 boy all under 10 years old. My ex has been dating a girl for about 3 years and lives with him as well. She has one kid living with them as well.
    Right now where i live there arent many extracurricular activities and such and also have them in day care for the time being. With my new job I will be able to pick them up from school if I move to midland. So here are my arguments besides that. 1. I will be able to pick my kids up from school every day so I can focus on hw and extracurricular activites. 2. We will have a room at the house for each of them. At their dads they each share a room. 3. When i have custody of them each week i pick them up and take them to school. Not sure if this matters but the dad rarely takes them. His gf pretty much takes them and picks them up everyday because of his job hours. 4. I will be close to them if something happens. My ex and his gf both work atleast 30 minutes away from the school where they are now. 5. When the kids get sick im the one that almost always take them to the dr. Which i can get records for. Same goes with the braces and anything else they need. If not then his gf usually takes them 6. I attend there school meetings such as parent teacher everytime and he only makes it sometimes. 7. For hw i have noticed it his gf signing and helping the kids with everything because she is always signing the stuff. 8. I want my kids to have a life outside of school and day care and this would really help with extracurricular activites. With my job I work from home most of them and make pretty good money. I would be able to get them right after school and start hw so we can do other things. Right now by the time we get them they do there hw and go to bed. And when sports are going on its sometimes late by the time they are done.
    I think without his gf he would be lost. But its not her responsibility right. Its not her kids!! Im grateful she helps and everything and shes been great to my kids. We get along just fine as well. I think they should be with their mother and i think i have a good case. Would love some feedback on this. Anything would help!!
    Im sure I Left out more but if you have questions or prospective please feel free

    • Greetings,

      Thank you for describing your circumstances. Please keep in mind the following should be considered general information and not legal advice. It is very good that you are moving closer to your children. It sounds like you have most of your bases covered, beginning with Dr and school records to allocating proper time to be with your kids when it is your time and above when their father or his girlfriend are unable to accommodate for them. Also it helps that you have a good relationship with him and his girlfriend. Lastly, you are financially stable and are making further steps to provide additional rooming for your children. Props to you!
      As we inform any parent who is looking for help with similar issues such as the one you are dealing with, the only way to change, modify, or enforce anything in family court is to get a court order signed by a judge.
      You mentioned that you currently share custody with the father, is that an official court order or is it a verbal agreement between the two of you?
      If it is just verbal, I highly encourage you to get to family court to formalize your agreement so you can actually enforce your rights in the event something unexpected happens.
      If you do have this agreement already in a court order and are looking to modify to you being the primary custodian, you will have to go back to court to get that changed.
      Hope this information helps and if you want to discuss this further how to proceed with this process you can contact us at aboutthechildren.org
      You are doing great so far as a concerned parent and based on what you described, you have many of your ducks in a row to demonstrating to the court that you are very “Fit” parent.
      Look forward to hearing from you!


  3. […] Whose Side is the Judge On Anyway? (aboutthechildrenllc.wordpress.com) […]

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