How To Deal With False Allegations in Child Custody Cases

False Allegations

                Being the victim of false accusations is not only a messy thing to deal with legally, on paper and in the court room, but it can be an awful  feeling to have someone that you started to build a life with make accusations of abuse or neglect. There’s really no way to prepare yourself for this kind of thing. Normally in these posts we like to steer people in the communication direction. In cases like this however talking to your ex, or whoever is making these accusations, could make things worse and brings the possibility of them using that against you. It’s not unheard of for a mother or father to try and make contact with their ex and have them exaggerate the story even more by telling police or lawyers they feel the kids, or even themselves, are in danger. Keeping your distance might be a good thing in this kind of situation. Reacting in the correct manner will greatly increase the chances of these accusations being lifted. Here are some things to think about:

  • Evidence: If you receive information that a report has been made against you, gathering evidence that proves otherwise is probably one of the first things you should start doing. Having proof of names, dates and places will work in your favor. If the mother or father says you came to the house threatening to kick the door down and you have a receipt from the service station proving you were there at that time and not at the house, that would disprove those allegations.
  • Legal Council: In this kind of situation, meeting with someone with experience dealing with these kinds of legal matters would benefit you greatly. They can provide you with information on what you should do and how you should respond.
  • State Involvement: If allegations of child neglect or abuse are made against you, the state may get involved. Having child protective services knock on your door and start asking you questions and taking photographs can feel invasive. Being level headed and cooperating with them will help you in the long run. Not cooperating and fighting them will work against you. If your ex is saying your house is overflowing with garbage and there are farm animals in the living room, CPS will clearly be able to see this is not the case upon entering your home.
  • Have Some Allies: Having friends and family to back you up is another great way to overturn false accusations. The more people on your side telling any third party investigating the case that you’re a good parent with a good job and all that will greatly increases your chances of those allegations being dismissed.

The main thing to remember is to make sure you have all your ducks in a row. Putting together proof of that you’re not a bad parent can feel terrible. Nobody likes being accused of being a bad parent, especially by the mother or father of your children. The best thing you can do is know your rights as a parent. Educating yourself on what you can do, what you should say and what you shouldn’t say are all things you should research with a legal professional or on your own through a legal library or online resources.

800 787 4981

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Posted in Child Custody, Child Visitation, Courtroom Preparation, Family, Family Court
21 comments on “How To Deal With False Allegations in Child Custody Cases
  1. Happened to me 3different times in 2 different states. Fantastic advice, I did all these and it took 13 years of false allegations against me and now I have sole custody.

  2. Life insurance…… check
    Burial plots……check
    Living Will…..check

    My late father trained us all to get our ducks in a row when my siblings and I were in HIGH SCHOOL! I thought that it was a bit weird and crazy but God knows that I am glad that he instructed and I indeed listen to his instructions!

  3. worried dad says:

    I’m currently going through this with my Ex-wife. She is claiming that I moved our kids out of California without her permission, when she moved with us. She returned to California about 5 months later leaving the kids and then after another 6 months filed this false affidavit with the court.

    • Hello,

      Do you have a court date coming up regarding what you just mentioned?
      Just be sure you have some kind of proof that she was actually living with you during that time, mailed bill with her name, Dr or school record.
      Ultimately, what you should consider is going to court requesting a specific parenting plan. This is what usually straightens everything out and puts all parties in a position where they have a legal document in place that protects their time with their kids. Have you been to court in the past for something like that?

      • sherri watson says:

        yes i have proof that ive had my daughter all her life. im the one whos being charged with child support. my soc. sec. was used without my permission. im in the resolution process. is there , anyone who can help me. the attorney that was helping me on this matter recently passed away.

      • Hi Sherri,

        This is a different situation. You will want to contact the law firm you were working with to see how you can get the remaining amount of the retainer you paid back, if you did hire the attorney before he passed. Sorry to hear about this.
        If you didn’t receive a call yesterday from an advocate you should receive one today to discuss your situation and see what we can do at this point. We look forward to connecting with you helping you get this straightened out. As long as you can prove that you have been caring for and raising your child, there shouldn’t be much of a problem getting this resolved. Just have to go through the steps.

    • I went through the same thing in Mississippi, although it was my ex-husband who left me and the children in a new hometown and returned to our previous hometown and filed for custody and divorce claiming that I had “kidnapped” and withheld the children from him and, against their will?! … which hearing was set for the day Hurricane Katrina hit Mississippi. It was/iS/continues to be a nightmare … nearly a decade later. Our youngest is 13. I don’t know what else to do but continue to battle despite the toll it’s taken on all of us, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially … complete devastation. A sad state of affairs for our children, our country …

      • Greetings, this is, unfortunately, a more common issue than one would think. The bottom line, which you already are familiar with, is that legal fees can be crippling on a financial and emotional level. We can help you represent yourself in a situation like this so you can get your story in front of the judge and, hopefully, get a court order that lays out some kind of parenting plan or custody arrangement. It sounds like your ex is trying to take you for a proverbial ride here and your kids are caught in the middle and used as a tool to manipulate the situation. Please contact us so you can talk to a representative about how we can help you with this. Thanks for writing to us.

        (800) 787-4981

  4. sarah louise says:

    I am a young woman who is currently starting a child custody battle against my ex partner who is trying to get sole custody of my son.
    Me and my ex split in june last year due to his constant aggression and violance towards me infront of my son and alone.he stole all my savings I had to provide for my son and even my sons money so when we split he left us with nothing and moved back to his family home town and I stayed in our family home with my son.
    My son lived with me for 6months until dec2012 when he went to stay with his dad.
    He then refused to bring him home and is taking me to court and I’m petrefied on what the outcome will my son hasn’t seen me for over 6months due to me exs refusal to which he blames me.
    Just before he took my son social services had a referal about me having an overcrouded house I.e friends ect they came unexpected one day and my house was a mess but in my defence it was mainly cloths and toys and 2 empty wine bottles l now before they could asses me properly my ex refused to bring my son back to me which then forced the services to be closed unless he was returned they did make an assesment which I was unawhare of until last week and I feel that they could not fully outline if my son was being cared for as they only met with me 3 times and only once I think my son was in my care on their second visit I had made very good improvemants on my home with the cleanlyness ect which they praised me for and also they offerd me advice which I was more than happy to take.
    But since my ex has had my son they stopped all communication and support and I’m left to deal with this situation of not having my son in my care like he was before and also this is effecting my son which is also very distressing as he doesn’t understand why he cannot see me.
    I have no idea how to deal with this situation and have had no support from any agencies atall which I do not agree with.
    My ex is accusing me of being an alcaholic and a drug user.and being unfit to care for my son and I feel bcos he has a new gf who is also pregnant he will have evrything on his side to win and I haven’t even tho I have brought my son up from birth. Its killing me to think that there’s a chance I could loose my son forever and I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m scared the social services assesment is going to be bad but I feel they were not involved in my life to make a full conclusion as they only seen me 3 times. Due to my ex taking my son at the time they were involved.
    He has got past drug offensise which I have explained to cafcass and raised concerns with them about my sons welfare as he sufferd a lot due to his drug habbit and violance and I just feel completly lost because I cannot do anything but wait.
    Now I was a single mother who did the best I could for my son and my ex knows this but bcos he has a new gf I feel she is playing the mother role and my ex is just sat there he has it all he has a new family and he’s also trying to take mine. I know I’m telling the truth about my accusations and he knows he’s lying but how can I prove this?
    He’s kept me from my son for 6months now and he’s blaming me for this even tho he refused to give me the addres until may13 my son is the main one who’s suffering because I know he felt happy and safe with me.and now he feels lost and unsure and its killing me. I just need so advice and guidance as no one has offerd me any atall.
    I have got a solicitor and we are due to go to court on the 26th of june is there no way that I can ask for my son to be returned while all off this is going on? Because this is his home and this is were he is comfatable And I will gladley take help off the services provided. We talk on the phone me and my son and he tells me he wants to come on the train with me home and I can’t help him atall I feel helpless. Please help me

    • Hello Sarah,

      The good thing is it sounds like you’ve already started the court process. Your solicitor should be working with you to get your facts prepared to present in court this month. Remember, any kind of accusations need to be backed up with verifiable proof: eye witnesses, recordings, professional opinions, and paper trails. Getting a court order in place is really the main solution to protecting and enforcing your rights as a mom.
      If you have further questions, you can bring them up with your attorney and they certainly can be of assistance. Stay focused on getting to court over this matter. With a well-defined order you can have specific pick-up and drop-off times written out as an example, and financial sanctions to occur if either party fails to follow the order, basically they can be fined a certain dollar amount for the breach.

      Hope this up coming court date goes well. Things will get better soon Sarah.

  5. Nora says:

    My ex filed for full custody and alleged abuse and neglect as the basis. Social services even investigated and found no evidence. I try not to speak to him b/c i have found out that anything I have ever said to him in our relationship is now being used against me. I keep reading that I should keep communication open between us b/c the judge will like that, but how can I when he’s constantly chastising every parental decision I make? My son is one and always lived with me and I am so ready for this to be over.

  6. Olivia McKinley says:

    I’m having an awful time with the AZ family court system. My husband is horribly angry at my unwillingness to reconcile with him and went before the court accusing me of substance abuse and without any evidence i.e. no DUIs, drug or alcohol related arrests, etc but strictly on heresay I was ordered into a TASC program, weekly classes, all day Saturday classes etc. Because of a positive etg test my husband was given custody with me having supervised visits only. The test was later negated but I am still waiting to figure out how to get the kids back. I homeschooled all three of my children for most of their lives and have been a stay at home mother for my 10, 8, and 2 year old. I can’t seem to figure out how to get out of this system! I have an attorney but no one seems to be moving on this. Is there something I can do on my own? Something I can file with the court to get this resolved. My poor kids beg me to bring them back home and it kills me. Help!!

    • Hi Olivia, this is a great question about an issue that a lot of parents go through every day. Keep in mind that we are not a law firm and can’t give you legal advice, but if you are already working with an attorney, they can give that to you. In family court cases such as yours, you need to get as much information together to back up your side of the story as possible. It seems your ex is throwing a lot of false information out there to get what he wants, and it looks like it worked unfortunately. Taking this issue back to court and providing enough evidence to the judge for them to see that your ex was making things up to get the children is a great way to get this issue resolved. You can do this on your own and represent yourself and we can help you do that if you qualify for our program. Please visit our website or call or e-mail us to get in touch with a representative to discuss your options. Thank you for following our blog, we look forward to assisting you in this matter.

      (800) 787-4981

  7. shelly says:

    My ex and I are going to court for custody of our child . He has lied about everything . I have brought up our little girl alone with little or no help from him . I’m just so worried and finding this all so hard to deal with .

    • Hi Shelly, thanks for writing to us about your concerns about your family court issue. It’s natural to become weary after all the hassle that comes with going through the family court system. If you have proof that your ex has been falsifying information regarding your custody court case, then putting that on paper and presenting that to the judge should be your primary concern. We draw up court documents for people such as yourself to file and go to court over custody or visitation. Please give us a call and speak to a staff member that can explain our program and help you go to court and get custody of your child. (800) 787-4981

  8. Julie says:

    So I just started looking into this. Thank you so much for this site it will be helpful. I already feel a little better that I am not the only one going through this. I left my ex husband 2 years ago and been divorced for a year. I have been told he is very cunning, charming and powerful. I was in a toxic marriage for 9 years and always would not leave because he always said not with the children. So I would not leave then I had a decision to make because it had gotten physical and I refused to live the way I was living and I didn’t want my children to grow up and get stuck in the same type of relationships after 2 years of things being quiet then this week sends me to court for emergency temporary custody. Mind you he has the children most of the time with 10 pages of allegations of how bad of a mother and person I am. You are right fighting against allegations that are not true and knowing he is telling one side to my children. For instance the day after the emergency custody was granted I called my girls and my oldest asked if I was crying yesterday? I responded as no why do you ask. She said because daddy told me he took you to court and you lost and that is why we can’t see you. You have been making bad choices. She just turned 8. This cannot be ok. He makes 250000 a year and has a high end attorney I make 10000 a year and can’t afford one. I do everything to try to keep the children out of it. They are 4 and 8 they are children and don’t need this bs. And goes on and on.

    • Hi Julie,

      Thanks for writing to us. Unfortunately we hear this kind of stuff all the time where one parent is pitting the children against the other, it’s even more common when the incomes of both the parents are not proportionate, such is the case with your situation. It’s important to get this in front of a judge and get a court order that will protect your rights as the mother of your children and keep your ex from interfering like this in the future. We can help get you the right documents to file in court and get your story in front of a judge. Give us a call and find out what your options are. We look forward to hearing from you.

      (800) 787-4981

  9. Chris says:

    Hello, I’ve been going back and forth to court with my daughter’s mother for years now. First setting established joint physical and legal custody. Second time around because no schedule was presented and her mother would say I couldn’t see my daughter when I started dating again I petitioned for a schedule specifying the shared time. Now I recently had a son with my wife. Prior to my son being born my daughter’s mother started to become very upset and often lashed out via text and in person when she found out I was having another child. She’s initially filed an order of protection with no allegation of abuse but stated she wanted me to stay away from my daughter but the didn’t give the op. Then months later while we are going through court process she alleged that my wife is physically, mentally and emotionally abusing my daughter but puts she wants my time to be limited to 2 days every other week instead of what we have now which is shared weeks every week. During the time she was also trying to get an up on child support from 700 bi weekly. The judge brought it down to 600 and she was livid even called me a piece of s*** outside the court room. Now that we are set for trial she has alleged that I’ve choked my daughter and my mother had to pull me off. And what’s worst my daughter even told me that it happened. I’m afraid but what I am most afraid of is the well being of my daughter’s mental state. I still have my time but the law Guardian is going to put in for supervised visitation. I honestly can’t say that her mother has put her up to this but I feel that she could. I really just don’t know what to do especially because it’s a total Lie and these allegations are just getting worse and worse

    • Hi Chris, you’ve certainly got a situation on your hands. In situations like these, it’s important that your kids don’t get caught in the cross fire, which it sounds like is what’s happening. If you’re ex is becoming increasingly hostile to you, making false allegations against you etc. these are occurrences that affect the overall well being of you and your family and could be a reason for you to take her back to court and modify the current court order you already have. If you’d like to explore your options, give us a call or emails us to speak to a representative about how we can help you get your story in the hands of the judge. We look forward to speaking with you.

      (800) 787-4981

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