Rescheduling Your Life
The hardest thing to deal with in a shared custody situation is coping with the decreased amount of time you get to spend with your child. As humans, we rely on repetition to get through life. We count on the fact that the sun will rise or that our shoes will fit in the morning or our cars will start. Having something that was a regular thing pulled out from underneath you is traumatic and the ensuing mental stress can affect your mental well being, as well as your child’s. Adapting is another human trait however. Life will go on it’s just a matter of restructuring everything to make things comfortable for you and your kids. Going above and beyond the call of duty and being a super hero for your kids isn’t necessary; just being there and talking to them and making sure they know that nothing is going to change between you guys will already make you into a super hero in their eyes. Here are some things to think about:
- Honesty. Being straight up with your kids is one of the best things you can do with them. Doing things you’ve never done before or being over enthusiastic will actually be confusing for them. They just want their Mom or Dad, not a Broadway production starring their parents.
- Involve Them In Something New and Fun. Many times a mother or father that has just separated from their ex aren’t really sure what to do with themselves, this can be a difficult place to be in. Something you can do is to include your child in activities. If you’ve never been to a local museum, take your children with you and experience it together. If you’ve never eaten at a restaurant you’ve driven past a million times or never driven up to the hills above your town, go do it and bring them with you.
- Don’t Bring Negativity Into It. Even if you have hard feelings towards your ex, it would be ill advised to bring that up when you’re with your kids during your specified time. This isn’t complain about your ex time, it’s hanging out with your kids time.
- Don’t Try Too Hard. It’s not a good idea to try and put too much on your plate when you’re with your child. If you’re try and do too much, it actually takes away from the time you guys spend together.
We could go on for days about how to maximize the time you can spend with your children but the main thing to keep in mind is the child’s psychological well being. They have to live in two different houses and see each parent half the time, assuming you are sharing 50/50 custody, this is even more important if you have less than half time with them as they will get to see you less; having that piece missing from their lives can really affect them emotionally. Being aware of this and acting accordingly will help both of you deal with the change that has just occurred in your lives.
- Which Child Custody Plan is Best For You and Your Children? (aboutthechildrenblog.com)