Part 1 of Winning Custody Of Your Children
A lot of parents out there don’t know where to start to win custody of their children. It’s not necessarily a question of having more money than your ex or having a better attorney; it’s about being an involved parent and showing that fact to the judge. This isn’t a popularity contest and the judge does not care if you’ve hired Johnnie Cochran. The judge wants to see that you have a stable life, have the means to provide for your child and that you’re a responsible person in general. He/she is going to make a decision that’s in the best interests of the child. The way you live and care about your child will determine this decision. So what are some things that can help you along the path to obtaining custody or visitation? Here are a few things to think about:
- Are you involved? Now is not the time to leave the details to someone else. It’s important to focus on the big picture but big pictures are made up of little details. If you’re the kind of person that delegates, it might be time to take matters into your own hands. In the court room, there’s nobody there to delegate to. Get involved in your child’s life and show this to the judge.
- Environment. Take a second and step back from your life and make sure you’re not bringing your children around places that they shouldn’t be or people that aren’t good to have around them. If you and your friends like to drink and play poker at your house, ask yourself if your kids should around that. There’s a time and a place for stuff like that; if you’ve got a six year old at home this might not be that time and place.
- Where and When? Knowing details of times and places which involve your kids is a great way to not only stay on top of things and keep track of past occurrences, if your ex is trying to use some past event against you, but it also shows the judge that you’re not up in the clouds. You’re down here with your kids trying to provide the best life for them. This also ties into the part where you show the judge that you’re ex isn’t the best parent to have full custody of your child. Having examples of poor parenting on their part, negligence or irresponsibility in general are all things that can work to your advantage.
This shouldn’t be about attacking your ex in the court room. This is simply about presenting facts and having the judge make a decision based on that. They don’t want to hear any back and forth argument; he said she said doesn’t fly here. If you’re rational and clear minded, then you will do fine in court. Building a case against your ex does not mean you need to call them names or point fingers. If they left the kids in the car for 4 hours at the mall, then have something to back that up. If your ex is telling the judge that you went out gambling and drinking with your buddies last Thursday, have some proof on hand to show that judge that you were actually at home helping your child with their homework.
If you want to look into your further options go to – www.AboutTheChildren.org
800 787 4981
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About The Children, LLC's Blog 
Great blog and I am enjoying reading it!
I was wondering if you would do me a favor and publish some advice for parents that are having their existing agreement violated on a consistent basis.
Legally, since I am self represented, I dont know what avenues I can pursue to have these violations heard in court. I was advised against contempt papers because of the difficulty in proving the case. Other than that, I’m not sure what else i can do to let the judge know that my time is being compromised by my ex. It just passes as a missed visit, with no make up time discussed, even though that is part of our agreement as well. Simply telling me I need an attorney doesn’t help either because if I could afford one, I’d already have one.
Any advice you can give is much appreciated! Keep up the good work!
Great question and thanks for the input on drafting new topics. We can absolutely work on relevant articles for contempt of court.
Just as a reminder, we are not a law firm so we cant give you any legal advice, however we’ll attempt to provide you accurate general information about your questions.
Usually, in this scenario when a party continues to break a current court order, bringing them back to court for contempt doesn’t work since its basically just a slap on the wrist from a court official. Really, what you want to do is request a modification to the order, because, let’s face it, the one you have isn’t working.
Make sure, if not already, to keep records of the days you miss your visitation or if they are late. Depending on how far you live from your child, you probably can request more time with them, or look into moving closer to a 50 mile radius – this is the standard distance most counties use to qualify parties for half-time (joint physical custody) with their children.
Hope this info helps, and if you haven’t started a modification case yet, we can look into also, assisting you with that. Appreciate your questions and comments.
Thanks for taking the time to respond!
Unfortunately for me, I am self represented and there are still questions I have that I can’t seem to get answered. But I read your blog religiously and look forward to the next post!
Thanks for keeping up with the blog. What other questions do you have?
How can a self represented person get a restraining order taken off?
Another good question (and a good topic we should write about).
A restraining order is really just a smoke screen. Since the OJ Simpson case, the courts have been handing out ROs to everyone and their unborn grand kids.
Typically, a way around it is to get a visitation or custody order in place, which will remove the children off the RO so a parent can receive their time with them, however the RO remains valid with the other parent.
Right I get that.
The court encourages cooperation between parents but doesn’t the order discourage that? Additionally, what’s to stop a custodial parent from being vindictive and filing violation paperwork, just to infringe on a non custodial parents time? Even without evidence, this order takes time to process and the protected person can bar the unprotected person from seeing the kids…
Usually, once the visitation or custody order is in place, that’s one that is upheld in place of the RO. If the other parent attempts to contact the police, they should review a copy of the current court order which confirms the ordered time to either parent.
Completely am with you, ROs are extremely annoying and its a ridiculous legal maneuver when abused.
I agree but since I am no attorney I don’t know how to fight it now that its in place and protecting someone that doesn’t need it. I feel its being used to garner non cooperation in reaching agreements between us….and I’d like to review its whether its needed with our judge…provided I can get him to address it in court
You have a serious issue already to bring up in court, the fact that the order is not being followed repeatedly. If you haven’t started a case yet for modifying you should consider going in that direction. If you require help with putting the paperwork together and the filing process we can be of further assistance.
Chaos comes in many forms. Thank you for helping to create order and for the like on my blog
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I would add that building your own good character in court should be your primary goal and not proving your ex is unfit. You can accomplish both by defining who who are vs the ex. Example: You have a job that gives you the flexibility to attend school functions and you take advantage of this. You attend every event possible. Your ex, on the other hand, has the opportunity to attend and participate but chooses not to. You must have dates ready to present. If you have the financial means, an assessment of your children by a professional is a great idea. Someone who specializes in this type of assessment is the only one you want to hire. They can give an unbiased recommendation to the court for placement of the children.
Great comments! Thank you, we just posted about this today – check it out! Self control and managing your emotions is crucial to being successful with any evaluation.
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