How Do I Separate From My Partner?
Lots of times people get divorced because they can no longer get along and see separation or divorce as the only option. The next step can be vague and unknown to a lot of people out there with kids trying to get a divorce. We hear it all the time, it sounds simple. But how exactly do you start the process? Because you two are legally married, you need to get a legal divorce. This means having a judge sign a document that makes your marriage certificate null and void. It’s a bit more complicated when you have children or assets to divide up among yourselves. If you’re unsure where to start there are tons of legal resources out there for you to use to get this done. Before you go signing papers and making a parenting plan or custody arrangement, maybe you might want to ask yourself if getting a divorce is really the answer and see if there’s another way to fix whatever problem is making you guys want to get a divorce.
- What To Do First. Taking the first step is always the hardest; this is true for a lot of things especially if you don’t have any experience. Not having experience in divorce and custody matters isn’t necessarily a bad thing though. Most cases of divorce aren’t as easy as both parties speaking cordially and agreeing to each other’s terms and simply signing on the dotted line. There can be a lot of negative feelings involved and people can be hurt and things can be said that probably shouldn’t have been said. Regardless of the circumstances, having the right documents in order and clearly outlining your requests for custody and visitation, as well as making sure these requests are reasonable, are the most important things you can do for yourself and your child. Do some research before you go out hiring divorce attorneys and spending money on legal professionals to tell you how to do this. It is possible to get this done without hiring an attorney.
- What Are You Asking For? It’s important to make sure what you’re asking for is reasonable. If you’re unemployed, have a history of violence, just got out of rehab etc. asking for full custody might not be the best way to go here. Showing the judge that you’re trying to make the best decision for your child and asking for a custody or visitation arrangement that is reasonable and takes into account the child’s needs and wants, as well as your ex’s, will greatly improve your chances of coming out of this without egg on your face.
- Are You Sure? A lot of times couples split up because they can’t get along, someone cheats on the other person or a myriad of other reasons why they think their relationship won’t work. Have you stopped and asked yourself why you’re getting divorced? Sometimes getting to the root of the problem or simply just saying out loud why you’re getting divorce will make you realize that the reason you had in your head before, sounds silly or dramatic when you actually think about it. If you can work things out, that’s the better option. The two of you obviously saw something in each other before or you wouldn’t be where you are now with a child and a life together. People do grow apart though and you need to weigh your options to make sure this is the best decision the both of you can make.
Either way you slice it this won’t be fun for anyone. The best thing you can do is remain in constant positive/constructive communication. Name calling, finger pointing, using the child as a tool etc. are all things that will actually make your situation worse and will eventually start taking a toll on the kids that are involved because they are the ones that are the innocent bystanders in all of this; they didn’t choose for you guys to get divorced.
About The Children, LLC's Blog 
Great article. We are 9 months into our divorce, which was not a very nice thing, not because my ex husband was being difficult, but because his family was involved.
Wish I had this article when the relationship went south and became abusive as I was lost as to what to do.
Its never too late to make the right decisions or move towards making them. We understand this process is never easy or enjoyable. Keep doing your part to make this transition as smooth as you can. The rest is up to the other parent.
When a relationship breaks down I think the hardest thing is taking the first step. Though luckily for me I never had children to worry about.