Good Parenting After A Family Court Hearing

 I Have Custody, Now What?

            In a divorce and child custody dispute, the goal of obtaining custody of your child takes up your entire field of vision. When the dust settles and the sound of the gavel is just a distant memory, a lot of people can be left scratching their heads; this is especially true if your custody battle was drawn out and took a long time to get resolved. As humans we adapt to our surroundings to survive. While we may not be hunter gatherers in the 21st century, we still adapt; this takes the form of our minds getting used to things. We get used to the stress of court rooms and meetings with attorneys. What do you do when it’s over though? Maintaining the relationship you have with your kids can take on a whole new form as a newly single parent. Just what this means is different for everyone. What can you do to make this a good transition?

  • Do Things Together. If you have a shared custody agreement, your kids are going to have to get used to having two houses to go to throughout the week (or whatever arrangement you have). Making a smooth transition depends a lot on you. Doing things together or having weekly routines are great ways to help make this an easier ordeal. Going to baseball games or cooking dinner together strengthen relationships with your kids. You might have to find things that your kids are interested in, it could be learning experience for everyone.
  • Don’t Say Bad Things About Your Ex. No divorce is pleasant and often times there are ill feelings harbored for the other parent. Speaking badly about the mother or father of your child is worse for them than a lot of people think. Your children identify themselves as part of you, if you’re calling your ex a liar, cheat, slob or deadbeat, your kids are going to internalize this and the words intended for your ex will harm your children instead. Be aware of what you say around them.

This is a new chapter in your life and your children’s lives. This can be a lot like going from war time to peace time; the transition can be a little rocky. During court you have a mission. Everything is clear and your sole focus is getting the custody or visitation schedule that you’re petitioning the court for. When this is over it can be a strange moment much like the calm after a storm; you’re kind of just standing there looking at the damage and figuring out what to clean up first. You can’t act like nothing has happened because something did happen that’s noticeable in yours and your child’s everyday life. However, all you have to do is pick up where you left off. This can be harder for some depending on the circumstances of your divorce and custody agreement but the concept is true and valid throughout. If you need ideas for family activities, getting involved in the community is a great way to give back as well as bond with your kids. All anything takes is a little effort and a good attitude.

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Posted in A Childs Best Interests, Child Custody, child custody battles, Courtroom Preparation, Family Court, Parenting Tips, Raising Children
4 comments on “Good Parenting After A Family Court Hearing
  1. I always enjoying reading your posts. Keep writing.

  2. mommie21 says:

    *It also helps to have a simple calendar or schedule, use stickers & make it colorful, so the children know the schedule. Kids feel safer with a predictable routine.

    *Let the child know its okay to call, text or write letters to the other parent. Let them make contact when they are comfortable. This will also strengthen your relationship to the child & build trust.

    *Go to the library and check out books on families and divorce etc Sometimes it is easier to talk & process by hearing it as a story, or seeing a familiar character go through the same experiences

    *Utilize community or church support groups

    *If you are in a domestic violence situation, the way you parent & cope with the situation would be totally different! In that case it would be helpful to work with a domestic violence agency or a county worker for appropriate help, and support, as well as safety planning.

    Thx for sharing!!

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