Can’t We All Just Get Along?
When two parents can’t get along, the children are the ones that ultimately suffer. In some cases people can get so wrapped up in making their ex feel bad or making their life miserable because of what was said or how they acted during the divorce that they forget to stop and think about what their child is seeing and hearing while both of their parents are at each others throats. For one thing, vindictive behavior, name calling, purposely making things difficult etc., is really a waste of everyone’s time and energy. The goal here is to come to some kind of an arrangement that both you and the other parent can work with while maintaining the relationship each of you have with your children. Here are a couple strategies you can use if you’re in a situation where joint custody or shared parenting is becoming difficult.
- Allowing Time To Adjust. A lot of the time, the shock of having to rearrange your life creates a stressful atmosphere; people react differently to stress depending on the situation. Sometimes feelings of retribution can be common in family legal situations. Your ex might want some kind of revenge, or maybe you do yourself, for whatever happened in your custody case. This kind of stuff doesn’t help anyone. Doing things to get back to normal might be your first priority in this kind of situation. Getting back into a routine and continuing with business as usual will help you adjust to everything, especially the children.
- Co-Parenting. The idea is not to act like the other parent doesn’t exist, because they most certainly do, we’re not going into some debate about existence here. There are several ways to be a co-parent. Like a co-pilot, you both are steering the plane towards its destination i.e. your kid’s future. You’re both a vital part in their lives and they look up to you for advice and learn by your examples. Everyone’s situation is different and requires a different touch to maintain a healthy way of living and the relationships you keep in your inner circle. Understanding that your child has a relationship with the person that you might harbor negative feelings towards is an important realization to have.
Being a single parent is hard work, no doubt about it. Doing this job with feelings of resentment or even hatred is going to slow you down and make it harder to focus on your own life and your child’s life. If you find yourself dwelling too much on this, find ways to break free from that cycle of living in negativity. What’s done is done and leaving what happened in the past will allow everyone to move on and get on with their lives. Acting in humility will make this process much easier for everyone.