The conventional family, it seems, is becoming less common in America. More often than not you find families that are made up of other families because someone got divorced, remarried, had more children or adopted their new spouse’s children etc. This is an element in family issues that is commonly overlooked by parents that are busy filing for a divorce, serving their ex or are in the middle of a custody battle with their ex husband or ex wife. It can be difficult to become close to other people’s kids and it’s even more difficult from the child’s point of view to get used to having another parental figure romantically involved with their mother or father. Here are a couple things to think about if you’re in a similar situation and you’re not sure how to talk to your kids or the other people involved.
- Broken Lines Of Communication. The reality here is that after your divorce or separation you’re not going to stay single forever. For a lot of people, expressing how they feel about a given situation can be difficult. If you’re a parent who is divorce and are now involved with a man or a woman with or without kids of their own, getting used to the new situation takes some time. It’s important to remember that your child needs to be feeling comfortable with the new situation. If they are uncomfortable around the new person in your life, you need to talk to them and find out the source of their feelings. You don’t want them to be around someone that is not a good influence or is potentially abusive, this goes without saying however. A lot of can begin to act out in situations like this. Talking to your children about their feelings about the whole thing is going to make it easier for everyone to come together or provide some insight into what needs to happen to make things run smoothly.
- Raising Someone Else’s Kids. Getting involved with someone new that has kids of their own to introduce to the situation can have its share of bumps. A lot of times people want to help be the children’s parent or be some type of authority figure in the child’s life. Children a lot of the times don’t respond well to this change in their life. They might get angry if you’re trying to play the role of the mother or father in their life and act out behaviorally; they don’t see you as their mother or father and view your actions in a threatening light. You’re going to have to take it slow with them so they can get used to you. Speaking from experience, it doesn’t go over well when someone who isn’t your mom or dad telling you to clean your room or do your homework. Building and maintaining relationships takes time and effort and trust doesn’t come easily in these kinds of situations. Let your actions speak for you and let them know you want to be a positive thing in their lives so this trust can form.
Stepping into another family can be like walking into the middle of a movie and having no context as to what the characters are doing and what their motives are. Approach the situation with a white flag waving high and clear. It might be easier to assimilate into a new family if the children are younger. Children approaching their teens are going to rebel a little more against this due to the nature of what’s happening to them minds and bodies and they begin to become adults. There are a lot of online resources for parents trying to integrate themselves into new families and tips for parents helping their own children cope with the changes going on in their lives. Talking to friends and family members can also be a huge help to your situation.
Get started at –> www.AboutTheChildren.org