Most divorces are a lose/lose situation. You can make the best of it with joint custody but the truth is you now have a family divided. Parents try their best to ease their children through this transition but there are so many changes in your life during a divorce and custody battle that things will fall through the cracks. One of those things that might be important but the least of your priorities at this time is grandparent visitation. When you are dealing with an ex the last thing you want to deal with are their parents as well.
Most times, grandparents play a huge role in their grandchild’s life. This is a special bond that no one else can fill and should be maintained throughout your child’s life. Don’t let this bond be a casualty of your divorce.
- Regardless of the relationship that you have with your ex, for your children’s sake, try to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex’s parents. Learn to separate your relationship with your ex from the relationship you have with your ex’s parents as much as possible.
- Try to keep the relationship that your child had with their grandparents the same as before the divorce. Your getting a divorce from your spouse should not mean that your child gets a divorce from his/her grandparents.
- Be open and honest with your in-laws and clarify what can and cannot be discussed with your children about your ex. Make sure that they understand that they should never try to influence the children against you or go against any rules that you might implement. These are your children and their visitations should not be abused.
- If you have a situation that you don’t want your own parents to have visitation with your children do not badmouth their grandparents in front of them. Do your best to help them through this transition. Although you may have good reasons for removing parents visitations from your child’s life, they may have a difficult time letting go of their grandma and grandpa. Be careful how this is handled so that no seeds of bitterness are planted.
- Be aware of how your child is affected when your ex remarries and a whole new set of grandparents come into the picture. This can be very confusing for a child. Be open and honest and let them ask questions and process this transition. They should not be forced into any additional new relationships because of remarriage. Kids have a breaking point and should not be overloaded. Be aware how they are adjusting to any new extended family due to remarriage.
Extended family has always been an important element of childrearing. Grandparents are at the top of that list. Your children will grow up with a lot of difficult memories from a divorce, with this in mind, allow them to maintain fond childhood memories of their grandparents whenever possible. All kids need that grandma and grandpa to play that special role in their lives. They will want those fond childhood memories of the grandparents to pass on to their own kids someday. Make sure that they don’t get robbed of this from your divorce.