8 Things to Never Say to Someone Recently Divorced
Anyone going through a divorce or who is recently divorced has enough on their plate. It is a stressful and taxing time in anyone’s life and can be amplified by what people say. Although most people have the best intentions it’s difficult to almost be berated by the people close to you; even if they don’t know they are being insensitive.
Things to avoid saying:
- “I never saw it lasting”– Well thanks for letting me know that you knew what was best for me. Having someone tell you that the biggest decision of your life wasn’t going to last from the very beginning is a crushing blow.
- “I’ve always disliked (name)”- So you mean you have always disliked the person that I was in love with, pledged my heart and soul too, and thought I would spend the rest of my life with? A simple change of words to “I hate (name) now” is more comforting but still hard to hear. The recently divorced person could still be in love with the person you hate and only stir up bad memories.
- “How do you not sit around the house all day?” Well it’s pretty simple. I have legs and things to do. Just because I am going through a divorce does not mean the world has stopped and will bend to my desire to do nothing.
- “That happens all the time now”- As comforting as it is to know that other people are getting divorced too; it’s not that much of a relief. Just because it seems to be common; does not mean that it gets any easier to go through it.
- *Silence* Many people will tell you that recently going through a divorce is as horrific and painful as dealing with the death of someone close. If someone passed away who was close to your friend or family member, you wouldn’t avoid the subject and pretend everything is normal. The same applies for a divorce and just because it’s uncomfortable to talk about doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.
- “My spouse and I had problems too, but we worked it out” Are you implying that we didn’t try to save our marriage? That we would still be in love if only we worked harder at it? Sometimes the best intentions and counseling in the world aren’t enough to save what can’t be fixed.
- “Want to come to my wedding/couples night/baby shower?” Any of these events or any like them are very tough to go to after being recently divorced. It’s tough to see people at the height of their relationship, the wedding, when yours just crumbled beneath your feet.
- “Have you started dating yet?” Unless they are introducing you to their new fling, chances are they haven’t and it’s too soon.
You can read more at AboutTheChildren.org
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- Peace after Divorce (omtimes.com)