Win-Win Situation
In a divorce and custody battle, going to court can be a huge burden on the entire family not just in terms of money and time but also in terms of the stress involved. In a typical litigation scenario, both parties involved are essentially pitted against each other like Captain Kirk and Spock, only one may leave the arena. In a situation like this, there are only a few ways this can end. You win, your ex loses. Your ex wins and you lose. Or the judge makes a ruling that isn’t necessarily what either of you want and nobody is happy and you end up with a court order that doesn’t reflect what needs to happen which can potentially cause more problems to arise. There is an alternative to the traditional method of going through family court for custody, visitation or divorce issues in which the potential for a happy ending is more attainable than if you were to go through the court process. People are now beginning to take the road to what’s called Collaborative Divorce. In this method of proceeding through a divorce and an ensuing custody negotiation, a team effort is involved that facilitates an engaging process of discussion that allows for greater success overall and a parenting plan that accommodates everyone’s needs.
- Looking To The Future. Getting a court order is a good way to enforce something but when people are forced into a legally binding contract like that, it creates animosity. While the outcome, either way, is going to be the two of you splitting up, finding a solution outside of the court room saves time, money and any hard feelings that can be experienced during this whole thing. The point in taking this direction, rather than going to court, is to make everyone happy. One of the best aspects of this kind of divorce procedure is the involvement of several outside experts and professionals that assist in the collaborating process. This is somewhat like mediation, but with a higher success rate. Having multiple counseling professionals sit in on a discussion like this allows for some education on how to maintain family bonds and relationships after the divorce is over. Having this kind of resource is incredibly valuable in the long run.
- Making Decisions Together. The biggest complaint that we hear from parents that have gone to court, gotten a divorce and a court order for custody or visitation is that their ex keeps them in the dark about what’s going on with the children and that they don’t have any say in their child’s life. Working together for a mutually beneficial divorce eliminates the potential for this to happen. As you work together and learn how to work together on this with the guidance of the other people helping you with this, the decisions that are eventually made are ones that you’ve made together, not necessarily what a judge has made for you.
There’s an old cowboy saying that I think applies to what we’ve been talking about, “don’t kick a cow patty on a hot day”. In other words, working together on a solution is more beneficial than battling each other for something that may or may not work in the long run. Putting a round peg in a square hole never works. If getting a divorce is what needs to happen, doing it the right way is the difference between maintaining a happy and healthy family lifestyle after your divorce and constantly going back to court over the same issue years down the line.
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