My husband had an affair. There. I said it. I don’t talk about it much, nor do I dwell on it anymore because, well, it is old news. There was a time however that this “news” was in the forefront of my mind and affected nearly every breath that I took.
For most married women, their husband having an affair is the worst possible nightmare come true. And once you find out your husband has had an affair? Your next nightmare may be that your husband, or now soon to be ex-husband, will opt to be with the mistress indefinitely or, dare we even say out loud, have her children.
These scenarios may or may not be your worst fears in life but they were mine.
And they came true. All of them.
There is something quite interesting about having your worst nightmares come true. I mean, sure, at first it is like living through hell in real life but then, once the worst possible things you can conjure up do happen to you and you survive, you begin to experience something quite bittersweet.
You just survived what you thought was the earth shattering, world ending, worst possible thing that can go wrong in your world. Your biggest fears unleashed to wreak havoc on your mind, body, spirit and soul.
IT HAPPENED. But you can live to tell about it. Not only that, your mere survival gives you the strength now to face and get through just about anything else thrown at you for the rest of your life.
You survived your version of the unthinkable. Are you superwoman? Maybe. You certainly feel like you are and that my friends, is good enough.
OK so maybe you aren’t feeling all that rosy at the moment but as they say, this too shall pass. Or better yet, it all gets better with time.
I hate to even utter those phrases to you because in the darkest of moments, they are meaningless.
And getting better with time? How much time are we talking about? I can’t answer that for you. Everyone has their own time table for recovery but I can promise you this – if I made it through, so can you.
Oh, so you don’t believe me that I am better now? Well then, please allow me to provide you with an example.
This may come as a shock to you but my ex and I get along fairly well. I truly value my ability to interact with him on such a cordial level.
He really needs to thank his lucky stars that I have learned how important it is to let go of the negative emotions as much as possible in favor of being civil, polite and on great terms.
In fact, I have taken civil and polite to a new level. You see, my ex indeed had a child with the mistress. Two children in fact.
But the number of children really isn’t the issue right now. One child was enough to do me in at the time. But, it isn’t the child’s fault. They didn’t ask to be born. At least this is what your friends will tell you in an attempt to make you feel better.
It is true though. Kids don’t ask to be born, especially into these situations.
Recently I felt compelled to share some information with my ex that would benefit one of his children.
I know, right? I don’t understand it myself. I don’t understand why I felt the need to share the information I had that would help my ex, his mistress and their child.
But wait, that’s just it, I would be helping a child.
I realize that if this situation has not happened to you, you may have trouble seeing why I would want to help anyone involved in my worst nightmare. In the Jewish Religion, we refer to conducting an act of human kindness as a “mitzvah”.
You can refer to it as anything you wish; just take note of how it actually makes you feel. It feels quite good to help others, especially when the people you are helping are children. And then, after realizing how much better you feel doing something positive rather than walking around angry and negative, step back and realize just how far you have come in your journey.
Consider this a mitzvah to yourself.