The Good, The Bad, And The Divorced
Maintaining a relationship is a serious business, doubly so for marriages. A lot of times, when things have been, or are just starting to be, heading in an Southerly direction, the natural reaction is to try and fix the situation. This is a good thing. However, as with anything else, this can be taken to an extreme. In some cases, it’s better to rip the band-aid off and endure a momentary sting, rather than put one’s self through the agony of prolonging the potential pain of the separation. Divorces can be messy things, especially when children are involved. There are financial concerns of course, but there are also the emotional and psychological repercussions of the experience your children have. These are common reasons why it’s not unheard of to see people just grit their teeth and live in an unhappy marriage instead of doing something about it.
- Money Got You Down? One of the biggest concerns when proceeding through a divorce is the question of how are you going to come up with the cash to go through the ordeal. This is not something to be taken lightly, divorces can get expensive. However, there are cost effective solutions to hiring an attorney. There are a plethora of nationwide services that specialize in cost effective document preparation. A little known fact in these affairs is that you don’t necessarily need an attorney to get a divorce. Dividing up money between you guys is yet another angle of the financial concerns people have. You might have a house together, vehicles, maybe even a business. People can quickly find themselves in dire straits when they have to cut what they make in one month, in half, or suddenly find themselves having to look for a place to rent or a car to drive. These are things that need to be considered before going through a divorce. It might be a good idea to tally everything up if you guys have a lot invested together. The other side of this is splitting the debt you have together as well. For example: You’re a stay-at-home mom and your husband brings home the bacon. That means he’s paying for most of the family expenses, including money owed; whether it be car loan payments or credit card debt. Splitting things in half includes this too. If you’re not working, this can quickly become a crippling financial burden. There are ways to get a handle on this however. Speaking with a financial consultant or doing some online research can mean the difference between losing your house and being able to keep a roof over you and your children’s heads.
- The Kids Aren’t Alright. This is the other main concern about going through a divorce, how your kids are going to react. If handled poorly, a divorce can be something that affects a child through adolescence and into adulthood. And this is a legitimate concern too. No parent wants to make a decision that will put their children in therapy later on down the line. Communication and awareness are going to be two key factors in your decision making process. If the situation is bad enough to get a divorce, sticking it out might even makes things worse for them. Kids seeing their parents fight internalize all that stuff and psychological studies have even shown that young children who witness verbal or physical altercations are much more likely to demonstrate that same behavior among their peers. This is not good and should be avoided. So if you’re going to go through with it, talk to your kids about what’s going on. The main thing children want and need is stability. It’s like anything else, it needs a sturdy foundation or it’ll fall down. If they feel safe, even though they know that the two of you will be separating, it will make things a lot easier on them. The amount of information you disclose to them and the method of how you tell them is extremely important to be aware of as well. In most cases, they don’t need to know all the details of why you’re getting divorced, this is dependent on age as well; talking to a six year old is different than talking to a fourteen year old. This should also come from both of you if possible. Not every divorce will be civil and in some cases your partner might not even be around and the responsibility falls on your shoulders, it’s even more important to tread lightly but deliberately as well.
There will always be other concerns in any divorce. No case is exactly alike. Think of it like snowflakes, everyone will be different. The facts of the matter will differ. If you’re proceeding through something like this on your own, it wouldn’t hurt to read up on people’s experiences of going through a divorce and custody or financial battle, while you’re doing your own research. This will give you a better understanding of the process of a typical divorce and prepare you for what’s next. It might also answer a lot of questions concerning child custody, differences between legal and physical custody, how to change a child’s last name on a birth certificate, how to establish paternity, what mediation entails etc. Hiring an attorney can be expensive and may even prolong your case unnecessarily. It’s not unheard of for people’s court dates to be pushed back further and further and also push your bill out further as well. If your divorce is inevitable then that makes your job of choosing the method in which it occurs that much easier. Drawing things out and potentially exacerbating the situation may look like a sensible option because it’s easy to rationalize ones decisions by applying different names to it. Instead of being in an unhealthy relationship, you might hear people say that their spouse is just very hard headed and difficult but that they still love them. You may still love them, but a bad or abusive relationship taints the waters and is not worth it. The important thing to remind yourself of is that this is your life and, more importantly, your children’s lives. Making the right choices should have their needs at the top of your decision making tree. This means factors such as, will they need to change schools if you move, will they be able to keep the same routine, how much, financially, will this set you back etc. These are common and important questions that need to be answered if you’re going to do this right.
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