Talking To Your Kids About Bullying
In today’s world there are so many things that can affect your kids that you, as a parent, might not know about. Granted, the human experience hasn’t changed that much from our ancestors but the ways in which we deal with life’s problems have. This is especially true for dynamics between children. As your child’s parent, you can help give them the tools they need to process and deal with situations as they arise. Bullying in schools has recently become headline news. Across the nation schools and law enforcement are cracking down on bullying. It’s a problem in our schools and it’s not restricted to the lives of children and schools either. Bullying can start at home and it’s an agreed upon phenomenon that the behavior of children is, in part, a reflection of their home life and/or upbringing. Here are some tips for parents who are dealing with this problem.
How Can You Tell If There Is Something Wrong?Often times parents don’t know what their children are going through whether it’s because their kids are giving them the silent treatment and assuring them that everything is okay even when it’s not, or they have trouble communicating their emotions. As I stress in many of these posts, communication is extremely important. Effective communication could mean the difference between your children entering a severely depressed state from problems in their lives and being able to deal with the event, and the emotions that follow, in a healthy and positive way. Look for signs such as body language. Are they acting different? Are they closed off from you? Do they go straight to their room when they come home and don’t really talk to you about their day? These are all red flags that need to be addressed. The best way to address these kinds of issues is by listening. Most parents out there want to do something about it, especially fathers; Problem solving is in our nature. However, the first step is understanding the issue and really listening to what your kids have to say; and they don’t necessarily need to speak for you to tell them things. You can tell when someone is stressed out. They might wring their hands while they talk, not make eye contact etc. Be observant.
The Problem At Hand.If your kids are being bullied in school the issue needs to be addressed. This isn’t one of those things where you can chalk it up to a onetime thing and sweep it under the rug. You need to reassure them that whatever was said to them doesn’t reflect who they are. Kids can be cruel and say mean things to one another. This can have far reaching effects that can echo into adulthood. I can remember being bullied when I was a kid on a playground to this day. The difference really comes from being able to rise above it. Most of the time, kids who are bullying other children are insecure themselves and they take it out on others to elevate themselves. It’s classic psychological transference. Whatever was said to your child might really affect their morale and having a ten minute conversation might not do the trick in terms of setting them straight. You need to teach them to not retaliate, fight them, or call that person names as well, because then they’re no better than the bully who made them feel this way. They need to learn to rise above it and carry on with their day with the knowledge that that person is probably hurting inside and needs an outlet for it. The actions they take in childhood, however small they appear to be, affect their lives. I’ll leave you with words of wisdom that my dad used to tell me almost a daily basis about life, problems and cultivating your future. Who you are to be, you are now becoming.
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I know bullying is a real problem so I don’t want to minimize it but I’m afraid now their is so much talk about bullying that the bully’s are begin to learn to capitalize on it! For example, we taught our daughter (6) to walk away from being bullied and kids that were headed to trouble that were beginning to get aggressive. When she tried to walk away they tried to prevent her from leaving so she fought back and hit one pretty good. Then the bully’s went to their parents and complained about MY child bullying!! Which is so not a part of her character AT ALL. ;-(
You’ve made an excellent point here. Bullying is a problem that’s getting worse all the time and you’ve mentioned just one of the ways it’s getting worse. You’re doing the right thing and teaching the right lessons to your daughter though and the lessons and life experience gained from something like this will shed light on things later on in life. Even though the bully turned around and said it was your little girl’s fault, she learned a little bit about how people can be, you could see it as a silver lining. Thanks for writing to us so other parents can learn from your shared experiences. Keep following our blog for more information.
Yes, that is very true we do learn through negative experiences just as much as positive ones. I very much enjoy your blog btw. 🙂